My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
