i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize