He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
