when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
