so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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