My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
