puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
