This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
