what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
