i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
