i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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