shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
