I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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