Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
