i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
