do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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