we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
