But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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