Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
