nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize