he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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