Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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