Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize