is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
vagina is talking i cant
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
