i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
