He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
