shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
