i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it's great music for shaving your balls
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
