May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
