She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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