4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
