you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
