Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
