It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
