Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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