Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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