I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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