I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
