Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
