I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize