she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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