Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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