Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
