3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize