i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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