Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize