I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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