Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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