The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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