how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
