I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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