Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
