You're earring is so big in my mouth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
