my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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