I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
