I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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