well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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