Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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