Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
