...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
