allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize