How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
