I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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