i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
