i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
