How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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