I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
