awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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