The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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