watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
