giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
