I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
