I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
